Always on My Mind Read online

  "You're one lucky pretty little thing. Where you headed?

  "If you're going to give me a ticket, write the ticket." My eyes remained forward.

  "Watch the speed," he said and returned to his car.

  "You got lucky sister. Ol' Jimmy there is a real hard ass. He would have hauled your tail into jail quicker than a bee shits," the attendant said.

  "Ahhh... okay. While I'm here, can you fill her up?"

  "Sure can."

  I knew I was home. Not many places still offered full service at gas stations any longer. You could still get your windows washed, air pressure checked, fluids topped and gas pumped all at no extra charge in Sweet Water. Inside the store, I searched for a quick bite to eat. Not that I was going to find anything healthy to eat. It was pure junk food. I reached the register and waited for the guy to ring me up. I wasn't far from my hotel. Figured I had about a thirty or some minute drive. "You're gonna need to get that rear driver's side tire checked. It's got a slow leak. I went ahead and did a quick plug for now," the attendant said as he punched a few keys on the register. "That'll be fifty two forty five."

  I handed him my credit card, but he shook his head.

  "We only 'cept cash or checks," he said.

  "Come on, you're joking. No one carries cash anymore."

  "I do," he said, folding his toned arms.

  "Listen, I don't have any cash on me. You have an ATM machine?"

  "Nope."

  The night was turning into a disaster.

  "I know your folks, so you just come back with the cash before you leave town."

  "I appreciate that sir."

  "And Sky, watch the speeding. Cops are out early this morning. You take care now."

  -five-

  After checking on my aunt I headed out to pick up a few groceries at the Piggly Wiggly. I'd hoped to be in and out, but of course it was packed with the after church crowd folks getting last minute things for Sunday dinner.

  "As I live and breathe, is that you, Sky?" a curly haired woman shouted as I piled my groceries into my car. She looked to be in her twenties and wore heavy makeup and the largest glasses I'd seen in my twenty-something years on this earth. I looked around to make sure she wasn't speaking to someone else. It was just me and she looked directly into my eyes. I'd always been bad with names. I tried to play it off best I could. "Hey you. Wow. Long time no see."

  "Yes, it's been ages. What brings you back to town?" she asked as she pulled me in for a tight hug.

  "My aunt, bless her hurt."

  "I'm sorry hun. All the best to her. How long you down for?"

  "Don't really know. Maybe a few days."

  "Well, we should get together for lunch or something. Here's my number call me girl. It'll be like old times," she said, digging in her purse and handing me her business card. 'Sandra B. Love'. Sandra, I thought to myself. It didn't ring a bell.

  "Will do. Good seeing ya!"

  Sandra padded away in her six-inch heels. She gave one last wave before disappearing into the store. I hoped I wouldn't run into any more school mates. The whole memory lane thing I didn't want to do. After getting freshened up and settled at the hotel, I kicked back on the bed with my laptop, glancing over personal emails. I looked over a few emails from Chris and quickly shuffled them to the delete basket. I didn't want to think about him while I was here.

  Though the reasons for me being here were false. Came all this way to find out my aunt wasn't exactly knocking on heaven's door. She was in great spirits and even talked about a special man in her life that made sure her pipes were clean. One thing about my aunt was she never shied away from the sex talk.

  The sun had disappeared giving the moon its chance to shine. I gazed out the window looking at the cars zoom down the interstate. I'd gotten some flack from the folks for not staying at the house, but I wanted my privacy and didn't want to have to answer questions as to why I was coming and going. Not that I was the late night partier... my business was my business and having folks all in my mustard trying ketchup was a no-no in my book.

  I was just outside Sweet Water and I was sure the bar wouldn't be so crowded since it was early in the work week for folks. I grabbed my phone and headed out the door. The screen flashed 'three missed calls'. I didn't have to guess who they were from. The parking lot at the bar was packed and full of pickup trucks; the southern man's luxury car. You wouldn't find Mercedes' and BMW's here. A few patrons stumbled out of the bar. Music blared through the open oak door. I pushed in and the smell of tobacco and pool cue chalk slammed into my face. It reminded me of the days my uncle would sneak me in during the school day and we'd play a round while I stole sips of his beer. Those were good times.

  I waded through the crowd and took a seat at the crowded bar. The bartender was busy at the other end flirting with one of the local barely legal girls. He had to be in his late fifties, but he had the body of a twenty-something. She was all smiles as he leaned in and moved his fingers down her arm. Such a girly girl—I rolled my eyes.

  I noticed Cillian sitting alone nursing his half-empty drink. For a second I thought about heading for the door not wanting to face him. It'd been years since I up and left without a word as to why. I took a deep breath and pushed back from the bar and tapped him on the shoulder.

  "Hey there, cowboy," I said. He turned and his eyes widened. There was joy in those eyes, not resentment. I could tell he wanted to hug me and plant a big wet one on my lips, but his smile was enough for now.

  "Sky. Aren't you a sight for sore eyes, girl," he said, wrapping his arms around my waist.

  I pulled up an old wooden stool. I could smell his oak scent which instantly turned me on.

  "Seven and seven still your drink?" Cillian asked.

  I nodded and reached inside my purse.

  "Your money's no good here," Cillian said. "A seven and seven for my good friend here and another SoCo for me."

  I wondered if he'd bring up the past. Cillian he was too good for that. I looked him over. His body was still on point. Cillian's jeans appeared to be painted on and his over-sized belt buckle drew much attention to the bulge between his legs. Cillian's arms were ripped, probably from working hard on the farm all these years. He was one hundred percent all man. I wondered what life would have been like if I hadn't left town. Lots of what ifs crossed my mind.

  "Sorry to hear about your family troubles. Hope all turns out well," Cillian said, taking a sip of his drink. I caught his eyes stealing glances. He was sly, but I had his number.

  "Thanks. Things are fine," I nodded. "Not as bad as I was led to believe. She's in good spirits now."

  A big busted redhead flaunted over wrapping her arms around Cillian. "Hey daddy, what are you up to tonight?"

  Cillian shifted his gaze unwrapping her arms from around his neck. "Well, looks like I'm hanging with my friend tonight. She just blew into town." He turned and faced me with a warm smile splashed across his face... as perfect as a smile could ever be. Busty didn't like the answer. She gave me one of the nastiest side-eyes I'd ever seen.

  "Oh, daddy. Thought we could spend some time together tonight. My boyfriend's doing a plant run down to Mobile and I'm, I'm so lonely," she purred, running her hands down to Cillian's crotch, grabbing a handful.

  Cillian laughed it off and quickly moved her hand away. I slid from the chair and walk over to the shuffleboard table, though I was still in earshot.

  "Listen, how about I get a rain check. Promise I'll make it up to you," he said, giving her the dreaded kiss on the cheek. It was Cillian's way of saying fuck off, but in a nice way.

  She wiggled her hips to the juke box unhappy that she'd be without her Cillian tonight. I couldn't help but wonder if Cillian served her up regularly or not. Part of me was worried that he was messing around with someone's girl. Folks don't like others playing with their things especially their girlfriends. I've heard of people turning up dead for much less.

  "I tell you, she's one hell of a lay. But she's needy as
hell," Cillian said, placing his drink down on the table.

  "You don't say." I tried to sound interested in his sexual encounters.

  "So did you find what you were looking for?" Cillian asked, dusting the table with sand.

  "Still a work in progress," my voice drifted.

  "You up and left. Didn't say a word. I hope you lost whatever you were running away from."

  "I wasn't running away from anything."

  "Bullshit, Sky. You ran and you didn't look back. And here it is, what, eight years later and you came back because you had to not because you wanted to," he whispered. "The big city life must be one hell of a ride if you can just shuffle your old friends to the curb."

  Cillian was right. I did run. My reasons were all my own. I didn't have to explain them to him or anyone for that matter. I just wanted to drink, have a good time, and not talk about the old days.

  "Shots?" I asked, hoping to ease the tension.

  By my count we were ten shots in and feeling pretty darn good. It was close to midnight and folks were still making their way in. A good ol' country song blared from the jukebox. Cillian broke out drunkenly into song and I joined in, singing back up of course. The redhead made her way back over and was quickly dismissed by Cillian. My phone rang; it was my cousin Jack asking if I'd made it back to the hotel. I texted that I was at the bar and may need a ride.

  Cillian saw the text.

  "You can crash at my place."

  We were both tipsy, but Cillian was probably in better shape to drive. I was a lightweight when it came to drinking. I texted Jake to let him off the hook. I didn't realize how close Cillian's place was to the bar. A ten minute drive and we pulled up to a massive gate. He punched in a few numbers and off we went down the dirt road as rocks knocked against his big truck.

  Cillian's folks passed away while we were in middle school. Everything they owned passed to him. The fourteen thousand acre plantation and a whole heap of money in a trust.

  "It still looks like it did all those years ago," I said.

  "It's a bitch to keep up, but it's all I have left of my folks."

  We walked up the steps and made our way through the over-sized door. I took off my shoes after walking through the doorway. Cillian brow furrowed. "Why are you taking your shoes off?"

  "It's the polite thing to do."

  He laughed and pulled me into a large room filled with the latest and greatest—his playroom. On the outside, the house was something out of the nineteenth century, but on the inside, it was a bachelor pad any guy would be envious of. Cillian brought out two over-sized bean bag chairs. We sat and played video games for over an hour; getting my ass handed to me. I wasn't a gaming expert and Cillian took joy in knowing he could easily put a whipping on me.

  He moved closer. His left leg resting inches from mine. I could feel the hair from his leg touch mine, which sent a tingly feeling through my body. The lights were dimmed, the blue glow of the flat screen television illuminated the room.

  I was paying close attention to my man on the screen. I didn't want to get killed again. Cillian's hand landed on my thigh. He leaned in and pressed his lips to the side of my neck. His beard hairs tickled my neck as he moved in closer. His hands moved to my neck and pulled me into his soft lips. I dropped the controller and let go, closing my eyes and letting him take control.

  "Mmm, you taste good," he said, pulling back and licking his lips as he nuzzled his nose under my chin.

  "Cillian, what is this?"

  "Come on, girl. You know what this is," he replied, licking the side of my neck with his tongue.

  "Don't deny it," he whispered. His lips traced down the back of my neck.

  His hands moved to my chin turning my head towards him. His thumb ran across my bottom lip as he nibbled on my earlobe.

  "I need to use the bathroom," I said, sprinting from the room.

  "It's on the left."

  I checked myself in the mirror. My cheeks were red and sweat beads formed on my forehead.

  "Come upstairs!" Cillian called out.

  I made my up the winding staircase to find his belt and shoes leading me to his bedroom.

  "I'm waiting," Cillian sang in a sexy drawl his hands knocked on the wall.

  Cillian sat in over-sized chair unbuttoning his shirt. I leaned against the wall as he took to his feet sliding his shirt slowly from his toned body. I could see his muscles contract as his shirt fell to the floor. His lightly-haired playground peeked through his unzipped jeans; he wasn't wearing any underwear. Cillian sat back down and slipped his pants down, shoveling them off with his bare-feet. My eyes roamed over Cillian's hard body as his hand rubbed from the top of his chest down to his navel. He stood and turned his back showing off his assets.

  Holding his hands to cover his jewels he sauntered over to the bed. An eager smiled flashed across his face as he crawled over me. I could feel the heat radiate from his hard body. My heart began to race as he inched closer. I felt his breath fall on my lips as he hovered inches above me.

  Cillian's lips parted slipping his tongue over his bottom lip. His almond bedroom eyes were fixed on me. His voice was low and raspy. "Well?" he asked as his fingertips traced up my arm and lingered near the nape of my neck.

  "Well?" I replied.

  "I think you should get comfortable. You're a little overdressed."

  "I—"

  "Sssssh. Just slip this little dress," he said, reaching for my zipper.

  He was drunk and I felt like I was taking advantage of him. I pushed him away and took to my feet. But I stood too quickly and leaned against the wall to stop the room from spinning.

  "You okay?"

  "Yeah, I need to... I need to go. We can't do this."

  "What? What's the matter?"

  "You're drunk. I'm drunk. We don't know what we're getting into."

  "Like hell. I know what I want to get into, if you'd let me."

  Cillian reached for my arm. Our lips met once more. His tongue fluttered feverishly in my mouth. I felt my body surrender. His hands roamed down to the center of my back and then over my ass squeezing tightly as he pulled me onto the bed. Cillian had a way of getting his way. Or so he thought.

  "We can't, Cillian," I said, pressing my hands against his heaving chest.

  "What? No. Don't do this."

  I motioned up from the bed grabbing my things and made my way downstairs. Cillian followed behind. I looked back and saw he was still naked as he came down the stairs. I tried to remain strong and not look down at his thickness. I reached for the door knob just as Cillian slid in front of the door blocking my exit.

  "Where the hell do you think you're going? You know we're twenty minutes from town. What are you going to do, walk?"

  "If I have to."

  "Come on. Let's go back upstairs and just lay down together. That's all we'll do. Promise."

  "Cillian, I know your game. I'm not going to fall for that. You're going to want to do more than 'lay down'." Cillian laughed and took me by the arm and we sat on the couch.

  "Look, stay here... in any room you like." His voice was soothing and sincere. Cillian pulled me up from the couch and led me up the stairs to a room near his. Cillian padded to the door and clicked the lights off. The light from the hall hit his body in all the right spots.

  "Hey, Cillian?"

  "Yes ma'am?"

  "Thanks."

  "Sleep tight girl."

  The door closed and I was left to the night sounds of the late night southern summer orchestra of katydids, crickets, frogs and other creatures of the nights as I undressed and got under the covers. I'd forgotten how much I loved hearing them all from one singular voice as the night turned into day. I could hear Cillian across the hall rummaging in his room. My body wanted desperately to slip into his bed, but I knew better. It would lead to trouble and that's something I didn't need—not now. There was a knock at the door.

  "Sky, you sleep?"

  "No," I said faintly, "Come in."

>   "I... I brought you something." Cillian plugged an orange ladybug night light into the wall. "I remembered, you being afraid of the dark. Didn't want you to be scared," he said, slurring his words.

  I hadn't been afraid of the dark since I was thirteen, but it was still sweet.

  "Thanks," I said, chuckling. He smiled and walked over and sat on the side of the bed. His eyes puffy and glassy.

  "I'm glad you're back, Sky." Cillian looked down at his feet as he spoke, fiddling with the bed sheets.

  "It's great to see you, Cillian. It's been so long."

  He nodded and leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my lips. "I'm not trying to get in your pants right now. I mean I want to, but I don't, if that makes sense. Just having you here is good enough, my favorite girl."

  "G'nite, Cillian," I said, running my hands through his hair.

  The door closed and I turned on my side and stared at the soft blue night light. I was just passing through.

  -six-

  I woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon and eggs along with the clink of pots and pans. The sun beamed in through the window as my eyes adjusted to the soft morning sun. Instinctively, my hand moved down to my briefs. A familiar voice called through, "Sky, you up?" I gathered the covers and sat up in the bed, "Come in."The door opened and in walked a spry woman with a tray filled with morning goodies.

  "Milly!" I jumped from the bed and give her a hug.

  "Hey there, baby girl. Let me get a look at ya," she said, setting the tray down. She pulled me into a tight embrace as she playfully patted my backside. "Oh my, you've gotten so big."

  "It's been a long time. Too long," I said.

  "That it has. I brought you up some breakfast, child. Go ahead and have a seat."

  Milly was a second mother to me. Actually more of a mother than my biological mom. She'd worked for Cillian's family for as long as I could remember. When his parents passed away arrangements were made for Milly to become Cillian's legal guardian. A lot of folks resented Milly... a black woman raising a white boy. 'It wasn't proper' they said. She didn't give a 'flipping flip' what they said. She loved Cillian and she loved me, and that's the only thing that mattered to her.